Thursday, February 12, 2009

doctors and saints

my head came dangerously close to exploding earlier this evening. dr. phil was involved -- that should give you a clue.

of course, the good doc has wasted no time in putting together a show devoted to crazy-octuplet-mom. if there is misery and dysfunction to be plundered -- dr. phil is there! there's a special place in hell for that dude . . . and i know, this is supposed to be my "month of love" . . . but i consider it an act of compassion for the housewives of middle america when i wish death upon dr. phil. why is he on the air?! he brain-washed oprah, he's clearly lobotomized that robot-wife of his . . . should we be allowing him to prattle into the ears of the innocent and impressionable day-time-talk-show audience? once again, i cry out -- save us, barack!!!

anyway, here's my explode-y moment . . . so, dr. phil's take on octo-mom was basically, "that shit ain't right!" except dr. phil speaks in his own secret language of faux country colloquialisms, so really he said, "don't let the barn cat have kittens if she ain't got access to a puddin' patch!" . . . or something. i was too busy trying to rattle my brain back into working order.

could dr. phil and i be in agreement on something?!

I've checked for other signs of coming apocalypse, but so far, i think this might have just been an eerie fluke. plus, at the end of the show, dr. phil did put up her super-creepy website and asked people to "search their hearts, for the good of these precious children." dr. phil will shill anything -- he's like a modern day travelling side show.

luckily, 30 rock was able to shake my dr. phil-funk with its usual amazingness. i almost want to write the best lines down as i watch, but then that would raise me to such a high level of sad-dorkiness, i think even liz lemon herself would say, "nords!" here's one of tonite's many gems:

"how dare you say that in front of the statue of st. lucia! patron saint of judgmental statues!"

phil mcgraw, that one's for you.


  1. What I find scariest is that there's a fertility clinic out there that thought it would be a good idea to put eight viable embryos in her womb. Which goes against medical guidelines ( here: )

    I just feel like pointing out that she's not a lone attention-seeking crazy. Really, did they just toss a psych eval out the window in the interest of fame and fortune? They could have killed her.

  2. I knew there was a reason I didn't watch TV!