Wednesday, July 22, 2009

i'm on a BOAT

No, fo' reals:

That's me on a boat. A free boat, no less! My month of thrift is turning out to be a huge success, people! Who knew?!

My friend Chelsee's pal, Sara, is an intern for Yelp. I've met her a couple times and helped out at a past Yelp event -- so when Yelp sponsored this Boston Harbor Booze Cruise for Elite Yelpers, I managed to weasel my way onto the list! I seriously need to up my yelp review quota, because these free events for elite yelpers are rockin!

The night featured free cocktails from Maker's Mark and Malibu Rum, free beer (Miller 64), a full buffet and chocolate fountain for dessert, and this dude:

I've lived in Boston my entire life, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been out in the harbor. Twice. Yes, that's right. Once as a girl scout, when we took the ferry to George's Island for the day. TAnd once, a couple of months ago, when I chaperoned a Harbor Cruise for some patients at the rehab facility where my friend Julie works.

So I was like a total tourist on this cruise. It's amazing the parts of your city that you don't even realize exist:

Even more exciting than the free booze and food was rockin' out on the top deck, under the stars, while planes headed for Logan airport swooped dangerously close:

I wonder why there isn't a budget version of the Harbor Cruise where people can just go out, drink and dance on the open sea. Like a floating nightclub. Why has no one thought of this? I know you can charter these boats for private functions, or book a ticket for the regular evening dinner cruise -- which I'm sure is a much more sedate affair. Grandparents and anniversary couples and tourists, etc. But it would be great if, for like a $20 cover, you could go our for 3 or 4 hours, sail around the harbor, and just dance the night away. People pay good money to ride those party buses all around town -- wouldn't a party boat be a thousand times cooler?!

Sigh. If I had the capital, I'd launch my own "booze cruise line". It'd have a sexy pirate wench logo. And the boat would be really cool looking. And it'd be awesome.

Any wealthy investor types out there? Who wants in on this? You provide the boat -- I'll provide the off-the-wall business scheme! We'll be rich, I tell ya! Rich!

But for now -- back to my regularly scheduled life of poverty.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

free bird

So my entertainment budget has become a bit tighter since being cut loose from the shackles of the working world. This seems to be the catch-22 of unemployment -- loads of free time, and no $$ to go anywhere or do anything. Capitalism, you win again!

So my goal has been to try to find budget-friendly fun to occupy my time. My pal Chelsee helped me kick this off with an invite to a free screening of the movie Paper Heart, sponsored by the Boston Independent Film Festival. There's a reason my name is Tea "Free Movie Screenings" Guarie. Hell, I'll watch the free Scientology video they con you into viewing after you take the free "stress test".

So yeh, this event was totally up my alley. The movie stars Charlene Yi and Michael Cera, who are two of my comedy crush/heroes. It's a quirky cross between a documentary and a fictional romance, with lots of hilarious awkwardness, guitar playing, and puppets. In short, the type of movie I would pay good money to see.

And as if a free movie wasn't awesome enough -- following the screening, Charlene Yi and Jake Johnson actually came out and did an audience Q&A! Because it was a packed house, we ended up sitting in the front row, so I was literally 5 feet away from the actors while they fielded the typically lame-ass questions from the crowd. They were both equally hilarious in real life, and I wanted them to be my friend and take me back to their hotel to drink beer and play Wii. But alas, they did not.

I would like to make an offbeat indie comedy that takes Sundance by storm. And writing a screenplay is a fun, free thing I could do with all this extra time I have. Maybe I could make a faux-documentary about a girl who gets laid off and decides to write a screenplay while wandering around her city, looking for shit to do.

Clearly, my imagination has grown rusty during my time in the cube farm.

In the meantime, I recommend Paper Heart. It's totally the type of movie I would make, if somebody else hadn't made it already. It will be opening soon in a city near you -- very soon, if you live in a "real" city. Go see! It's worth the $10.50 -- I promise.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

lest i be accused of blog neglect . . .

i will have some penny-pinching adventures to share soon, kids! in the meantime, allow me to direct your attention to my other two blog projects, updated daily for your time-wasting pleasure! Government Cheeze, chronicling my adventures in the world of unemployment, is now up and running. Also, my Cheerios Project is chugging along nicely -- although my waistline might not agree.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

where thrift goes to die

Where does a soon-to-be-unemployed girl like to spend her Tuesday nites? Why, the Taj Boston, obviously!

Visiting an out-of-town friend at his swank hotel address offered me one final peek at how the other half lives. Apparently, the other half is willing to pay five times the reasonable price for toast or bath products, if said goods / services are listed in a leather-bound menu printed in script-y font. Observe:

The Breakfast Menu. The "Arlington" is basically your standard continental breakfast: toast, jam, coffee, oj, fruit . . . all for the low, low price of $18!

Travelling with pets? No need to pack the Alpo. The Taj has its very own Pet Selections room service menu, where one can ordef Fluffy such delicacies as "pureed seared scallops and shrimp" . . . for $38. Please note that the $22 "warm milk and biscuits" are served in "appropriate petwear".

Cost of a "Make Way For Ducklings Bubble Bath" at the Taj Boston? $35.

Shutting up your little "Muffy" or "Snooks" for 20 minutes in the tub while you phone the concierge and check your portfolio? Still $35.

Naturally I was afraid to touch anything in the room for fear of being charged for it. Even the little chocolates left on the pillow . .. I pretty sure there's a gratuity tacked on to them, too.

Of course I had to give the Taj a little of my hard-earned cash. Behold, my $7.50 Sam Light. No worries, though -- I loaded my pockets with complimentary bar nuts and snack mix before hopping on the T and heading back to my sweet slum.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


What I Won't Miss About This Job . . .

. . . having to leave this note on my computer screen when I'd go to lunch. Fo' serious.

My Greatest Accomplishment At This Job . . .

. . . my desk collage, 3 years in the making. Featuring Tina Fey, a pirate with low self esteem, and the cover of a proposal that I almost died trying to deliver. Sigh -- memories!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Hey yo, world!

As ya'll might have noticed, this blog has been awfully quiet lately. I've been wrapping my head around some big ol' life changes over the past few weeks. At times, I was not feeling quite so optomistic. Or blogger-y.

But now, it is the sparkly new month of July. Not that you would know it by looking out the window. Boston seems to be stuck in a perpetual state of November.

Anyway -- July is gonna be a very different month in the life of Tea Guarie. I have been officially cut free from the shackles of Corporate America (read, "laid off"). I am about to embark on a magical unemployment adventure -- and of course, you will all be able to follow along via the interwebs. Because I have no shame. And also -- a lot of free time.

A blog devoted exclusively to my "Life of Alternative Employment" is going to be launched soon. I'm not sure if this blog will eventually be combined with that one to create one superblog. As my friend Chelsee says, "seriously, how many blogs do you have?"

Lots. In fact, please to enjoy my latest internet-voyeur experiment, "The Cheerios Project", now listed in the handy link bar on your right!

In keeping with the theme -- July is going to be Thrifty Month here at One Girl, 12 Ways. Watch Tea attempt to formulate a budget, and devise clever cost-cutting measures and get-rich-quick schemes! It'll be pov-tastic!

See you in the soup line!