Thursday, March 26, 2009

Tea Guarie's Wellness Advice*

(*wellness not typical)

--> Spend at least 40 hours a week sitting on your ass in a dimly-lit, poorly ventilated cubicle.

--> Make sure your obsessive and unbalanced diet is supplemented daily with Diet Coke, sugarfree gum and Tums.

--> Sweat the small stuff . . . and occasionally forget to put on deodorant in the morning.

--> Take time out of your busy day to talk to your TV, the roommate who will never judge.

--> When times get tough, don't focus on the negative. Instead, occupy your mind with proactive things, like planning the music for your funeral, or fantasizing about bringing an "I Quit!" cake to work.

--> In these tough economic times, plan ahead. Scout out local parks, ATMs, and abandoned factories suitable for sleeping in. Also -- think about which body part you'd be most willing to sell in case of a financial emergency.

--> Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Wine before three, you can be friends with Tea. Wine before noon, and you're totes gonna die soon.

1 comment:

  1. that's an interesting collection of goodies you've got going on at your desk! advil, pamprin, bandaids, 3 cans of caffeine... what have YOU been up to? hahahaha