Wednesday, January 14, 2009

on the wave of mutilation . . .

It’s hard to live like a badass, punk-cabaret rockstar when you have a 9 to 5 job. Also, when you live in a place where the average temperature in January hovers between 25 degrees and death.

The cold weather brings me down, people.

I think this is why people are happier, healthier and hotter in California. The winters in New England do to people what they do to cars – rust ‘em up and make ‘em old before their time. If I lived in LA, I would have spent my lunch break doing yoga in a park or eating some sort of organic wrap on a sunny pier. Instead, I spent it sitting in a tiny grey cubicle, frowning at the 5 day forecast.

Suffering is good for the soul, though, right? The cold builds character.

I received an email about this today:

New Kids on the Block Cruise!

So many awesome elements of this to ponder:

Will the New Kids on the Block be on the boat the entire time? Will they actually be mingling with other cruisers poolside /at the midnight buffet? Will there been NKOTB related activities? “Attention passengers – Danny Wood will be giving break-dance lessons on Deck Five in a half an hour!”

What will they be doing to prevent a crazed-fan-threatens-to-jump-overboard-in-order-to-get-the-attention-of-Donnie-Wahlberg-incident? Will passengers need some sort of signed release from a therapist before boarding?

Is this a fan base that is ready for a charter cruise? When I think “Die Hard New Kids Fan” – I think gum poppin’, fake-tannin’ 30-somethings who are still completely entrenched the early ‘90s . . . from the excessive use of hairspray, to nights spent hanging out in random mall parking lots getting high on Robitussin. They’ve been there, and they’ve got the unfortunate tattoos and the high-school aged children to prove it. Should we be putting a group of these women on a boat together? I feel like it’s a recipe for a Rock of Love style blow-out, but on a much grander scale . . . and on the open sea.

Is there such a thing as *too much* New Kids on the Block?

I seriously hope someone makes a documentary film about this cruise. Or, at the very least, sets up a live webcam / blogfeed.I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall of that boat . . . well, anything besides the $1299 cruise ticket!!! You’ve gotta be shitting me.

It's a crazy world, people. And I kinda effing love it.

I might just make it to spring after all . . .

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